Are you well? Breathing? Thriving? Self Aware? In tune with self and all those important qualities which aid in living peacefully with self? It is a great joy to share this conversation on fatherhood, absent fathers, broken masculinities, counsel for those who seek to be fathers and regaining hope from manhood to fatherhood. To the young men who desire to be father’s Tata says:
For you to be a father, it is going to depend on how you became a man”
Further for those who have had to carry the burden of fathering sisters & mothers, utata acknowledges the depressive burden and the weight of such pain. To this end, he encourages finding safe places, people with whom you can be vulnerable. Without such, no-one knows how far the cracks have gone. (Listen in 11:32)
To the young women, utata encourages
a sense of knowing who you are, a strong self concept, to look at yourself and love yourself even in difficult times. Plus, self forgiveness and a strong spiritual foundation.
To all Apple🍏Crunchers, It’s taken so much longer [GOODNESS 😳😥] than I would have liked to upload this video. With all the hurdles, I am convinced there is healing God wants to shed broadly in the hearts of listeners. For easy navigation, I have transcribed some of the questions and answers discussed in the conversation. I have also indicated the sections of the video and the time counts so you can find the moments that bring healing to you with ease.
The video is divided into the following conversational sections
- The meaning of fatherhood (listen: 1:48)
- The treasure of a Father child-relationship (listen: 3:07)
- What values have you instilled in your daughter (listen: 5:04)
- The effects of absent fathers (listen: 7:19)
- The role of fatherhood in the life of a child (listen: 8:40)
- PART 2: Fatherhood in the face of broken masculinities (9:58 seconds)
- The importance of crying out (11:48 seconds) “There is nothing special about a man who does not cry”
- Reversing the scourge of broken men (listen: 15:44)
- Final words to the youth
Q1.🍏C: What does fatherhood mean to you?
👨🏽Tata: Fatherhood is about constant presence. With presence, the child soon feels like “there is someone they can rely on.
👨🏽Tata: As a father, you need to be the stable leg. For instance, If you look at the compass, the mathematical compass, it has one still leg and the other one where you put in the lead pencil. Now, If this lead pencil is your child, this leg that is stationary, needs to be firm & strong as this one (pencil) is drawing the circle of his or her life. That circle will not be perfect if this leg is not strong. When fathers are not there, those circles become wiggly. Thus as fathers, we need to be present in the lives of our children for the long-haul. (Listen in 5:55 secs)
Q2. 🍏C: What are some of the values that you have instilled in your daughters?
👨🏽Tata: (1) a strong sense of self-concept (2) A belief in themselves (3) The importance of a strong Spiritual Foundation (4) Hard work, a ‘yes I can mentality’ (5) Discipline (6) Self-forgiveness
Q3.🍏C: What of broken masculinities. How do we reverse the scourge of young heavy laden men who have had to act as fathers prior to age (due to absent father)? Some of these young men who soon become fathers, imprinting the social fabric of society (Listen in 13:20 secs).
👨🏽Tata: Young men need to look for somebody to talk to. This thing of not expressing emotion is not good. The reality is, when it is painful, it is painful. When it demands that you be sad, be sad. How you handle those emotions is important. (Listen 17:50 secs)
There is nothing special about men who do not cry. No one will know how far the cracks have gone until you express that.
(Listen 18:39 secs) Thus, take charge and do something. This includes talking to someone with whom you can be comfortable to expose the fears that you have. Secondly, on the spiritual side, it is important that you build your life on something. My belief is that God created us thus when we break, God can mend us.
Q4.🍏C: With the trend of #menaretresh, a recurring question has been, where are the fathers? Where are the men to protect women in our broken society? How do we start to heal, and what do you think men should do to display that they are rising up?
👨🏽Tata: (listen in 16:00 secs) Sometimes it’s easier to destroy than to build.
What is your advice to young people?
Hope. Without hope, you only go down.In you, there is something that is waiting to become and grow. Hope there helps you to find that. Hope helps you find ways to discover ways to become. If you, look at those in hospitals, those with hope continue to fight. But those who lose hope go down. Even with the absence of your father, you can still make something of your life.
So much love! I pray that you would continue to be strong in spirit and that the ache of becoming would keep you daring, reflective and prayerful!