Chastity, Virginity & Sex

This poem was first published on Brittle Paper. I am of the opinion that poetry need not be explained but to ease the nerves of my elders whom I interact with here on social media let me explain the inspiration behind “Chastity, Virginity & Sex.”


 Image by Johnny Silvercloud via Flickr

A religious friend of mine shared how though he was now married, his wife intensely struggled with seeing sex as a form of intimacy given all the barriers and guilt learning she had built up around a woman, her virginity, her chastity, her ‘first time.’

If you search ‘losing your virginity’ 9 out of 10 times you will find the word “shame and guilt” in the tags, these words are intricately tangled with the idea of ‘losing your virginity.’ Particularly for women (more so for those women who grow up in religious homes).

Disclaimer: whilst I essentially believe in ‘waiting till marriage’ (as difficult as it is) I do think a different way of teaching purity is needed. Such that women can choose to wait, yet not being afraid of their own bodies, not being afraid of recognizing that on their own accord they can long for all forms of intimacy.

I think this embrace and purity are not mutually exclusive. Rather they complement the beauty of waiting and ultimately choosing to engage.

So I wrote this poem as an alternative narrative. Thinking of how I would want to read of my first time.

Chastity, Virginity & Sex

As she offers you emeralds, pebbles,

gems of crystal cisterns

inside her, you unlock a celestial storehouse

opening a treasured trunk,

there you find a chastity box, with pages of purity parameters,

anecdotes and stories of good girls who vow to stay virgins


hers is the status of priesthood,

her cocoon an immaculate crown,

a conduit to the heavenlies, a silver symbol of regality,

elevating her towards a promised rapture, a thing to be praised in cathedrals,

Now undressed, with perked breasts and an anxious chest

Goosebumps protrude from her skin, as your bare arms weigh over her


Her eyes enraptured,

her mouth heartily inseminating your promises

you gain insight into her veiled corridors,

unravelling her patterned petals, her innocence and torch burn

erecting on your shores;

like winds and seeds

she inhales you, feels your marigold oiled skin

as your body slowly burns on the contours of her curves


Your breath falls over her jaw,

Stars clap from your insides,

nude tunes play like jazz strings from your heart , singing and swaying

they leave you dancing;

up & down

her rosy rusted voice whispers your name

Saying sweet things she’s never said before, this moment, a corral of merry colors

to be savored for its unimaginable sweetness

5 thoughts on “Chastity, Virginity & Sex

  1. I am one of those women who waited in every sense and still had enormous shame and guilt from being indoctrinated in purity culture about sex being bad. It is good to see someone with a healthy view. This is a beautiful poem!


    1. Hi Rebecca, thank you so much for taking the time to engage with me on the poem and moreso sharing your experience. I wish to learn from you how you think women in the faith can unlearn some of the ingrained shaming and condemnation. Oh I really enjoyed reading your about post and your stepping into sharing more of your faith “new crunchy mom” I look forward to following your work more closely. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Mimi

    Mhhm this is something that has been on my mind recently. I have believed in saving myself for marriage but am not so sure of my reasons why I decided to, except that “it is the right thing to do, itll please my family, my future husband and most importantly God”. But now that I am beginning to try”think for myself” and seek what God wants versus what I have been told He wants, I am conflicted as to why God wouldn’t approve of me engaging in sex, especially if I might not be interested in the institution of marriage. Any thoughts on this?


    1. Hi Mimi, it’s at least a year since you wrote to me, I never forgot your question, I’ve thought about it over and over and over again and never quite came to the “right” response, cause I think it’s layered in every direction. I’d be really interested to learn how you have come to think about it since. Sending you lots of love.


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